Evanescent
by NaeryxOblivion
Summary: [Akuroku] Were he thinking clearly, he'd realize he loves Roxas far too much to ever hurt him. But Axel is far too hurt for clear thinking, and all that is left is to fight. Belatedly, he realizes that these are tears. [mild slash][companion to Wanting]


Notes: This is the sequel to "Waiting," but you can read them in any order because they happen at the same time from different points of view. (This one is in Axel's POV.)

And no, this isn't named for the band (Evanescence); "evanescent" is just about a synonym to "ephemeral;" something fading, vanishing, short-lived.

Warnings: Mentions of slash (nothing graphic), and a rather filthy swear word, which is Axel's fault this time.

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and all it entails belong to Disney and Square Enix, not me. --cries-- I want my Axel…

**Evanescent**

There is a wetness on his fingers.

Belatedly, he realizes that it is blood.

Eyes unseeing, he looks down to his arm. Oblivion has left a rift in the pale skin, a rift dripping a liquid crimson as his hair down his arm to coat his hands. He's bleeding. Roxas has hurt him. Roxas has… Roxas has…

Roxas hurt him a long time ago.

With a roar of pain more emotional than physical, Axel throws himself into the battle. It's only been a second, two at most. And this is different, so different, than anything that has ever happened to him before, Axel thinks he can allow himself those two seconds without feeling guilty.

He's used to fighting Roxas. They spar all the time. That was how they had first truly connected, in fact; the Superior had assigned him to the blond Nobody to teach him how to fight. The other teen hadn't really needed it, but it had given something to do other than sit and stare at the fucking rain.

But this isn't sparring. This is… this is orders. He cannot think of it as anything but orders from the Superior. It's his JOB. He has to either bring the boy back or kill him. And since he wasn't going to come willingly…

Sometimes, Axel hates the stupid fucking Organization. He hates the silence that pervades every conversation in the castle that's really just a prison, and the way these people who were never even really friends are falling apart, and the way they all insist they can't feel when the horrible _loneliness _never goes away—

And he knows, deep down, that what he hates most of all is himself. He hates himself for following the mockery of an Order that wants him to destory the only person he's ever _cared_ about, hates himself for following their fucking instructions, hates himself for getting so dependent on someone only to have them _leave_—

Hates himself for not leaving with Roxas.

And part of him, the tiniest part imaginable, hates Roxas too. Hates him for leaving, for throwing everything they ever had away with a muttered sentence ("No one would miss me," the idiot had said, as though the last few months had never happened), for leaving, for _not taking Axel with him_, for going to be part of Sora _without putting up a damned fight…_

For forgetting. For swearing love with the heart he didn't have and ripping it away, for making Axel _care _and _feel_ when he had sworn he couldn't and letting it all go. Granted, Axel had never been put into a computerized city by a bandage-wearing maniacal _freak_, but he would rather die than forget soft blond hair and icy blue eyes and sea-salt ice cream on clock towers and a cold body covering his warm one in the dark of night and kisses and _love_, because they do feel, no matter what he'd used to say.

And even though he consciously knows that in all likelihood none of this was his lover's fault, knows that there are extenuating circumstances, knows that he _loves _Roxas too much to ever hate him, ever hurt him…

He is too angry for his conscious to be in control.

Yet Roxas beats him. This is something new. Roxas has rarely beaten him before, rarely managed to defeat the lanky redhead with his walls of flame and spinning blades… but just this once, Roxas has something to fight for (that bastard _Sora_) when Axel has nothing at all.

And as he manages to limp to the wall and form a portal, he wonders why Roxas didn't kill him, and he finds himself repeating words unbidden. "Let's meet again in the next life."

"Yeah. I'll be waiting," his beautiful blond says, and Axel can feel pain like he's never felt before in the spot in his cavernous chest were a heart should lie.

"Silly," he says with a derisive laugh. "Just because you _have_ a next life…"

And he cannot look back as he loses everything he's ever held dear, because he fears Roxas' expression of indifference most of all.

And as he slips into Betwixt and Between, he notices that something feels strange. He puts his hand to his face.

There is a wetness on his fingers.

Belatedly, he realizes that it is tears.


End file.
